ANGER IS NEVER THE FIRST EMOTION

“THANK YOU!!”

I’ve said this before on my Facebook page but here’s me saying to you lovers/readers on here;
Thank you so much for the love and feedback after I launched on June 30th💃 The love was overwhelming! Thank you! Have you read the short stories from Songs and Seasons?
Find the links attached at different parts of this post.

This week was a productive one for me. I look back to the start of the week and I can say that I was able to exceed some of my targets/expectations for the week;
Design at least one logo for the week. I did two. One to add to my portfolio and a revamp for a new client.
Oh in case you didn’t know, I’ve delved into the world of design. SLOWLY before. Now FULLY. A month ago. I knew I was done stalling but that’s story for another post.

It’s the end of another week and I’ve got something for you! I’m sure you can guess from the title. Here we go!
You know I still wonder why a lot of us ask ourselves the wrong questions when we’re angry or having a problem with someone else. One truth you must remember is, anger is never the first emotion you feel. I heard this first in 2016 or 2017 in a podcast by Tired Dad. I was listening again this past week and it’s something you’d love to learn from.

I wrote about the fact that I’m learning to be more conscious of my thoughts and hence actions in this post. (Link)
Few years back, I wrote about being okay with people hoarding information from you on social media. The truth is, it was a lesson God taught me and had to renew my mind on! It used to eat me deep down whenever that happened. I’d pick an offence with you or give you the silent treatment. I used to wonder, “if we’re friends, you should tell me your plans about this without me asking.” “Why did he hide the news from me?”
It’s only obvious and it didn’t take me too long to realise I was focusing on the wrong things and hurting myself. The anger was there and was very valid. Have you been in situations like that? If yes, share with me in the comments section how you were able to ‘move on’.

Let’s delve in a bit more…
Have you ever spoken to someone who’s angry and the next minute you find them in a corner, crying? Or have you been in a situation where someone offended you, you get angry and start raising your voice?🤣🤣 Like “the person is right beside you Fam! Why do you need to shout?”
Did you notice the flow of events?

1. There’s an offence first.
2. You allowed the offence get to you.
3. You feel an emotion(It sure hurts).

This happens to everyone of us EVERYDAY. Maybe you need to pay more attention. Anger is never the first one. Many times If not all, we use anger to mask the actual problem we’re going through.
Depending on the situation, it could have been any of these feelings that triggered your expression of emotion(e.g shouting);
Fear, worry, insecurity, shame, disrespect, pride. Let me explain a little:

FEAR: You are afraid that the other person is getting to see the real you. For something bad you’ve done maybe good. You’re either scared of their reaction or you don’t want them having access to you at that moment. You’re afraid that they have the capacity to hurt you so you get angry to protect yourself. But the real problem you have is fear.

WORRY: Behind your anger is plain worry. About your health, your weight and diet, your faith and finances. I used to be a constant worrier not about the big things but the small ones. Whenever someone consistently reminded me about what I have to do, I’d flare up and take it personal 😣 like I’m also concerned about this issue raised. Anger was what I’d use to mask my worry. This might be you too. Yours could be a worry issue you need to deal with. Not the anger emotion itself.

INSECURITY: This is a bit deeper. Behind your anger might just be an insecure person needing validation but doesn’t know how to get it. Insecurity is what makes many men exaggerate their lifestyle just to impress the next guy.
For you, it could be because you feel disrespected, you’re ashamed or you’ve had your ego bruised. Anger is more like some defence mechanisms we put up for ourselves, it’s from a place of one of the emotions mentioned above.

Here’s something from the podcast that’s so profound;

After trying to be introspective and self aware. When I’m angry, when I’m shouty with my mouth hissing and open wide, what’s actually happening is most often, I’m feeling extremely insecure or extremely inadequate or I’m incredibly afraid, or I feel disrespected. My number one emotion is that I actually feel insecure and what I’m afraid of is that you might find out who I really am or you’re starting to see who I really am and if you see who I really am, you’d find out quickly that I’m kind of a full bs. I’m actually not that great and you’d call me out on my junk and most devastating, you won’t like me. And so if I can distract you with being loud or saying something mean or being big, then I might distract you. I might put up a wall, defend myself from you finding out that I’m actually super insecure and I don’t know what the heck I’m doing

– An excerpt from Tired Dad podcast

What many see is the action birthed by cause of the anger(either passive or active).
So next time you’re angry or you see someone getting angry, TRY to look through/beyond it and genuinely ask what’s wrong. You’d be shocked the answers they give. We all get angry for different reasons. Anger is just another emotion like happiness. Emotions are sometimes very valid. Anger is too but it’s never the first emotion you feel. Check and scrutinize well again. It’s important to always ask yourself what you’re really feeling. Anger is many times a mask away from the real problems going on in us.

So your question might be: How Did I Overcome it?

Practice and embrace growth: Stop thinking there’s only a destination to arrive at. The process is as important. Your growth is! The right question would be how are you OVERCOMING it
Understand that it’s going to be hard: Well, like learning a new habit isn’t easy, it’s the same here.

SEE ALSO: OVERCOMING FEAR

Remember that I didn’t state that you shouldn’t get angry. Anger is inevitable most times. Anger get grade but the emotion in itself isn’t bad. It is very important at other times but it’s your response that matters most. This is where control and knowledge come in. We need to learn to be more aware and conscious of what we do as well as our response to other people’s actions towards us.

Final note;
You’d find out that many that have these as root causes are either seeking satisfaction and validation from their friends, spouse or family. Others are searching for their identities. You must remind yourself constantly where your identity lies as a Christian. We don’t need them from others and when you’re faced with such situations, remember whose you are. He says to remind you that your identity is found in Jesus. He sees you as holy and righteous. You’re his workmanship! He doesn’t see you as a messed up human but as one who’s perfect and whole. Think like it! Act like it! Live like it!
Read these verses and be encouraged 🙂

Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.
Galatians 1:10 NIV

It is better to take refuge in the Lord than to trust in humans.
Psalms 118:8 NIV

“I, even I, am he who comforts you. Who are you that you fear mere mortals, human beings who are but grass,
Isaiah 51:12 NIV

Blessed by this? Feel free to reach out to me.

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