Hey guys!!! It’s another Friday!!

I am really sorry for not posting this weekly. My phone has been really misbehaving ever since I promised to share these letters with you all. I’ve also been quite lazy about writing I must admit, some other times when I am about to write, it’s either the phone misbehaves or I’m out doing some other activity. This is me apologizing to you all who have been expecting this post.

Forgive me, happy new month! November is here!! Today actually marks two years blogging on here and it gladdens my heart the feedback I have been getting from you all. Read my first ever post here. I have been thinking of writing two blog posts to that effect. You can follow me to know when the other is up and others I would be sharing. Thanks to the 42 of you who have been following me on here even with my inconsistencies. I sincerely hope to do better. It’s exciting to know that I am worth reading from.
If you’re just joining, this series started earlier in October and this is the third one.

If you have not read the first two please do so here:

Letters to Dear Future Husband I

Letters to Dear Future Husband II

This is actually beyond writing letters to my dear future husband, it is also to share what I have been learning these past few years. I’m sharing some with you as i have come to understand the power of acquiring the right knowledge. I don’t want to ‘wake up’ the day of my wedding without my fears put in perspective and my mind/heart fed with the right knowledge.
please follow me:

Dear Future Husband,

I have watched many marriages, read books, listened to tapes and all forms of messages on marriage and I have come to know the kind I want and the traits I don’t want in it.
I have heard people say all sorts, “why read books on marriage at such young age?” “it’s not that serious”, “why so much fuss about this institution when you’re not even in a relationship or married? why do you talk a lot about it?” It seems to me and I have found it true that the institution has been relegated to the ground and is counted as nothing because even so called Christians cheat, you hear of cases where the wife refused to respect her husband and husbands who fail to love their wives for whatsoever reason it might be. It’s tempting! It really is to want to throw the baby away with the bath water. To just go around and say, “all men are scum!”, “all women cheat, no one is faithful” just because that is what the media chooses to throw in our faces but it is also foolish.
Getting older and growing in my understanding of who I am in Christ, I knew a lot of old beliefs/myths had to change for me.
I either had this directly or indirectly as a result of what is popularly said(a lot have been implied through people’s actions than said anyway):

  1. Marriage is a reward or a part of your inheritance in Christ.
    This is one of the weirdest things i have heard some say. Statements like a man’s life cannot be honourable till he gets a wife. They often quote Proverbs 18:22 to back up their claims.
    First off, obtain favour there means ‘acceptable by God’, or ‘approval’. In other words, a man finding a wife is a good thing and it is acceptable by God. Many instances where the word, ‘and’ is used in the Bible isn’t to suggest addition but explanation or emphasis.
    Some others don’t say the above statements but they do by their actions. If you are a believer, you know how or what it means to ‘get’ an inheritance in Christ. it is actually freely given to you! You don’t have to work for it as it’s yours by faith.
    Marriage is neither a reward of an inheritance. From what i have seen and heard, it is actually hard work. You have to see that you are also responsible for how your marriage turns out as much as you’re trusting Gods to make it work which leads me to the second.
  2. Things would sort out itself since I married ‘God’s will’ for my life. Lie Lie lie!
    You need to prepare for marriage like it’s a school because it really is. Isn’t it interesting how we read books for long on courses that last only four or seven max(for those planning to do their Masters and Phd) years of our lives and then fail to do so for an institution that would last about 3/4 of your life on earth?
  3. You need to be married till you know what married people should know.
    I don’t quite buy this school of thought. I’m not even referring to sex or being physically intimate, sex before marriage is a sin and isn’t wise(I would talk about this in another post). If you knew the age we’re in, you’d see how much information we are already exposed to even without our consent, with the rise of social media, conferences, meet ups and hang outs for singles. So why not consciously and intentionally go after the right knowledge? why wait till you get married before you know how to do marriage God’s way?
  4. I’d get God’s best no matter who i am or how i live.
    Now let me explain what I mean here. When I realized that I am the ‘God’s best’ you are praying to God for, I was all the more conscious of the kinds of prayer I prayed(I am not saying prayer isn’t good, no!), seeking to learn and grow to actually BE the kind of woman God would have me be and also a godly man can live with.
    I focused more on me, getting me ready as only me can change me. Only me can see the bad characters that need to change and actually change them through the help of the Holy Spirit. I’m working on getting better daily and I sincerely hope you are as that would help us build a better marriage. I have learnt that it is the people that make the institution and the better prepared we are, the better, more beautiful and inspiring our marriage would be.
    Even with the lies we hear, I hope you can seek God’s word above all else including the voices in your head and still believe the best about this institution like I do.

I love you,
Your future wife.

The Change In Me by Casting Crowns

That would be all guys.

What are some of the myths you’ve had/heard about this institution? Please drop your comment, share with your friends. I’d love to hear from you.


  • Oluwatobi Ogunfusika

    Marriage isn’t a reward for anything and we all have to prepare for the school of marriage. It’s not a part of our spiritual package. Salvation doesn’t make us automatically prepared.

  • Siaka Benedict

    Wow, well spelt out. Indeed it’s a school. I’ve also heard about some myths like
    1.the good guys ending up with the bad girls and the bad guys ending up with the good girls,….
    2. God’s leading regardless of our efforts (no matter how much you try, he has a plan for you and you can’t deviate)
    3. Lots more of such….
    I pray God opens our mind and enlighten the youths of the generation positively.

    Keep it up….. looking out for more of your write ups.

    • Deborah Briggs

      Amen Benedict. I have come to believe and understand that God actually chooses ‘with us’ as opposed to ‘for us’.

      Thanks so much for sharing!

  • Anonymous

    Nice read. I hope I find a wife like you soon


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