RELATIONSHIP LESSONS FROM MY MOM AND I

If you’re reading this, my mom gave all the points. I did the writing and fleshing out as it’s something we agreed to do. For perspective sake as well.

Writing this at 3:00am and now it’s 6am on Saturday morning. After the edits and corrections these past 3 hours, it’s so worth it. Thank you for connecting with me on here. I’m hoping you have an amazing time.

Based off what I do with Dear Potential, I’ve been privileged to speak to a number of singles and heard their experiences as well. It’s been such a privilege as God has been giving us the wisdom every step of the way. It’s August and we’d be 2 years strong on the 13th! Watch out! I’m so excited about this. I’m looking forward to all that’d be revealed going forward.

BACKGROUND

My mom is a very conservative person, an extremely hard worker and a Jesus and peace lover. I can’t wait to share more of her stories with the world. She’s passionate about children and sharing the Gospel. I’ve seen her devote her life to taking care of us. I’ve seen her do the same for every child that comes her way. I have learnt to be considerate because she’s shown me how. She treats me with such graces. I learnt to be bold and audacious about my faith because I have seen my mom do this over and over again. It’s become a norm for her. It means a lot that she thought to do this with me. It’s with her permission and support we’re doing this. Please pray for her and send your encouragements in the comments. I’d show her everything. Thank you. Let’s get it going already!

Want to know more about my own beliefs about the marriage institution? I’ve written about it here

Here’s to the single folks

1. “Marriage is black market. It is when you enter you know how marriage really is:” I think this one is quite dicey. As the last born of the family, everyone probably didn’t expect I’d grow up this fast. There were many things they didn’t inform me about because they were trying to protect me. More like they were keeping me from the pain and worry which might have distracted me. I used to be a constant worrier but no more lol. Back to the point, my mom told me the first phrase after I had mentioned to her some experiences. I had come back to Nigeria at the time. This was early 2017. One thing I didn’t understand was why she chose the word, “black market”. I understand that people’s experiences might differ but thinking about this a little more, it makes lots of sense. It’s all risks but going with God on the journey makes it worth it.
2. Singles, talk about everything with your spouse-to-be: I know this one seems obvious but this is something every single person needs to be reminded of. It’s so easy to get carried away with the sight of people(how they look, talk, think) that you forget that there are discussions to be had. Important ones. About their view on life, their plans and how you fit into each other’s plans. Don’t shy away from the difficult conversations. Talk about them even when it seems awkward. I honestly believe that while life can be unpredictable, people shouldn’t be. You should be able to know the person you love. Know what they can and cannot do. One way is talking to them about EVERYTHING. Please this needs to be done in phases. I believe if you just got into a courtship/relationship, you shouldn’t be talking about sex except you’re planning to get married in a few months. Take it slow, as slow as possible when it comes to the physical aspect.
3. Know the person you want to get married. Get to know their true character: This is similar to the previous one but this is on their character. This is something you can never change in other people but yourself. Remember that you always have a choice when you see traits that are non negotiable for you. Don’t just watch out for patterns in them, watch out for patterns in you too. One lesson I’m learning this year that affected me in 2019 is the fact that i failed to help people understand me. I need to be clear and articulate about my desires and problems. I recommend Dating Intelligently by Laju Iren. Please get it and thank me later 🙂
4. Better to dissolve a courtship where you’re being maltreated than to pack out of marriage bruised: I won’t say much about this. I’m not even implying that you should dissolve it at every opportunity but be sure that you’re not being abused.
5. Marriage doesn’t change people, it only amplifies who they are: I have written about this before. Please find the link and read up here.
6. Pray about everything and anything

Here’s to the married folks

1. Learn to be patient
2. To listen, to pray for your spouse no matter what happens
3. Love them more. Learn to overlook faults. (I’d add that be sure they’re traits you know you could handle before marriage).
4. Give peace a chance when you two don’t agree on a subject. You don’t always have to prove you’re right even when it’s obvious.
5. Learn to discern the right time to talk about an issue you’re not satisfied with your spouse.
6. Learn to be focused on Christ alone.
7. Take everything to God in prayer
8. Allow God lead you in everything, don’t lean on your own understanding.

If you noticed, i didn’t flesh out the points for the married folks because my mom was fine with the above. In summary, my mom says to pray for Grace to make your marriage work, packing out is not the solution except if you’re being abused physically. Well, I also believe that marriage was built to last. If you can date intelligently, you can love blindly in marriage.

There you go! You made it down here! Well-done 🙂

Feel free to share one lesson that struck you and then share with others who needs these truths and reminders.

Remember: You can trust God’s wisdom to guide you always, you do not have to make the same mistakes your parents or other people made. You can learn and do better. You can trust the Holy Spirit to teach you and to do what only He can do.

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Deborah Briggs